So if you are experiencing hardships in your dealings with men, just know that you are not alone, at some point in time we have all been there. Don’t worry you have a friend in me, and you can always get the answers and solutions to your difficulties with men by reading my blog, my forth coming book or by simply sending me an email.
Know that you can find and have a loving relationship that results into marriage. However, you must use your head and not you bed, as there are plenty of good men out there, just not enough smart women! So today, I want to talk to you about one of the common mistakes that women tend to make most often with men: Sleeping with men outside of a committed relationship and before he develops genuine affection and loving feelings towards you.
I married for the first time at age 21 to my high school sweetheart. He was my first everything, first and only boyfriend and lover. Thus, as one can imagine, after we divorced 10 years later, I was squarer than a pool table and greener than the top when it came to men, as I had no experience with men except for my ex-husband. After the divorce, I was so anxious to couple again and re-marry; I made some common mistakes that many women make in their efforts to cultivate loving relationships that evolve into marriage. The primary mistake, sleeping with a man before he falls in love with you, you him, and you have mutually agreed to enter into an exclusive and monogamous relationship.
Sleeping with a man prior to mutual love and affection being established between the two of you, and you are in an exclusive relationship, sets women up to become what is now termed as a ‘booty call’, or a ‘hit and run’ victim. I was first a ‘booty call’, and then a ‘hit & run’ post divorce. Both incidences severely depressed me and wreaked havoc on my self-esteem, as I really cared about both men, and they left me feeling so degraded, humiliated, used and abused, I bowed out of the dating scene and vowed to never again sleep with another man without first establishing that we were in an exclusive and mutually loving relationship, and genuine loving feelings shared. Consequently, my very next relationship evolved into my second marriage.
Today’s Lesson - Cultivating good relationships take time & effort on both parts. You must not get so caught up in finding love and getting married, as I did, that you lose sight of your common sense and allow your heart to be your guide. Until you fall madly in love with yourself, and getting your own needs met, don’t even think about dating. I learned the hard way - through experience.
First and foremost, you must love and respect yourself. This task alone, will keep you protected from most all and any bad circumstances. Because when we love ourselves, we take every precaution to protect ourselves from harm.
Secondly, get to know a man and whether or not he meets your qualifications before you agree to an official first date via telephone conversations no matter how long it takes. By the time you agree to a first date, you should be at ease with each other as a result of your many conversations, which will eliminate awkward first dates. And, he will know exactly what type of woman he is dealing with, your standards, your values, and what he can and can’t expect on a date with you, because you will have shared this information via these telephone conversations.
This knowledge will eliminate men who are not interested in establishing a long-term relationship, and who just want sex. Thus, your first date and subsequent dates will only be about having fun together as dates should be. So make dates interesting and fun, which means saying goodbye to all of those boring dinner and drink dates.
Finally, don’t even think about having sex until you know by his actions that he had developed genuine feelings and affection towards you, and of course, you him. And, make sure that he knows this is a prerequisite to entry into your bed! Again, this eliminates those not interested in establishing a long-term relationship. However, you must be smart and learn to decipher between those who have learned to seduce women with words, it is his actions that you are looking for, and not half-hearted ones either.