Establish your list of non-negotiables or ‘deal breaker’ list as they are now commonly referred to prior to entering into a relationship in order to avoid heartache and possibly years of regret. Having gone through two divorces, it took me almost fourteen (14) years after my last divorce to heal from these extremely devastating hurts. Consequently, I was so afraid of making another poor decision in a mate and of being hurt again, I bowed out of the dating game altogether and focused instead on my family, my career, learning about and loving me, who I am, where I went wrong, and what I really need from a man.
All relationships have problems and challenges to overcome. However, unmet requirements become deal breakers, and after carefully evaluating myself and both of my failed marriages, I definitely have mine and I will never tolerate these things ever again for any reason. Nor do I expect for these things to be tolerated from me. This is key, don’t require anything from a relationship that you can’t give in return. Below is my list:
- I will not tolerate infidelity not even once.
- I will not tolerate physical, mental or emotional abuse.
- I will not tolerate abuse or addictions to alcohol, drugs or gambling.
- I will not tolerate a lack of honesty, integrity, high morals or values.
- I will not tolerate me or our life together not being top priority.
- I will not tolerate half-hearted efforts to sustain and nourish our relationship.
- I will not tolerate a man incapable or unwilling to assume his role as head of household.
- I will not tolerate a lack of loyalty, respect, or genuine affection.
- I will not tolerate financial immaturity, inadequacies and challenges.
- I will not tolerate attempts to control my personal, political or religious beliefs.
Again, don’t be a drill sergeant about it, as that tactic, understandably will scare almost any man away. You'll want to clearly establish your relationship boundaries one by one in numerous casual conversations as you get to know one another on dates or via telephone.